griscilla pan

when i see facebook photos of boys with their mothers, or their younger sisters they leave on me a good impression. and a nice feeling.

because it's facebook.

at family gatherings i feel like the life of the family.
i'm the one hopping around bouncing around singing aloud laughing and making people take funny shots.
i feel like i'm someone fun to be around, not so boring anymore!

Will you remember?

....

I guess it's too much to ask of you.

I will remember... how my heart ached, as i watched one man talking about the nature of a scorpion, looking so sad.

You shouldn't have said that, you foolish woman.
Not to someone like me.



(family's honour ep 25, end)

hello all. i am back in spore!! i'm still in hall, so this is really freshly squeezed post-kelong reflection. and the kids camp. but yea.

over the past 4 days i've been asked variations of a question related to one thing about a hundred times. although i didn't count it sure felt like it. Eh why so stoned? Why you so emo? Eh why emoing again? Why so quiet? Why you always stoning ah?

i always knew i was a little strange, weird, whatever you know, the likes. but then i never felt so lousy about being so till the second half of this year. it is a rather lonely and frustrating feeling, to know that people are wondering what's up with you. when all i'm doing is being me. i just don't like to talk so much and i'm not too good at making friends.

on a less _____ note, i still feel like i'm bobbing! even though it's been 6 hours since we left the kelong. it was not bad, great view and interesting place to be and not as crappy as i expected it to be, BUT. one can always get almost the same experience on a cruise. but with the benefit of air conditioning when it's hot and clean posh toilets rather than holes in the floor AND hot water when it's damn damn damn cold at night.

HOME tmr! and byebye here till a good two weeks later if nothing crops up. YAY!!!!!!!!back to being myself without scaring people off, inviting awkward (albeit well-intentioned) questions and feeling lousy about it.

i've finally started on my kdrama..i'm watching family's honour which i really like. i like watching all the couples in the show. they're sweet, witty, comic.

but the camp stuff haven't yet been settled. man i don't know why but they seriously take forever to reply emails! if the event were still a month away i can understand that. but considering that it's in 2 days when i wake up tomorrow morning, it's really annoying me! because i have a bunch of things to do that i can't complete unless i hear from them. i'm not sure what difficulties they have on their side, but uggghhhhhh it's really getting to me, this persistent delay. back where we were from we used to be impossible procrastinators too but we always managed to vroom vroom kick into high gear and zoom zoom ahead whenever the deadline loomed.

SIGH.
hope everything turns out okay in the end

i much prefer the often melancholic and heartwrenching korean romances over those in taiwanese dramas.

before i started watching family honour i used to catch momo love because there was nothing much to watch on weekends nowadays. but then now when the latter comes on straight after, i feel a sort of distaste for the more lighthearted taiwanese take on rom-coms. all those comic sound effects and outlandish (and sometimes childish, like in momo love) plots..the tw dramas border on being ridiculous and airy in comparison to the more intense korean ones. ignoring the fact that momo is an adaptation of a jap manga, the korean scripts make more of an effort to portray the obstacles in romances more interestingly (even if not always completely realistically haha) and less like they were there for the sake of being there. or maybe i haven't watched enough good tw dramas yet! they've been either momo love-like ones or the impossibly complicated and never ending "ai" series if yknow what i'm talking about.

having said that, meteor garden will forever hold a special place in my heart because it was my first ever ou xiang ju :D and winter sonata was my first korean one. i still like jerry yan but i was never into BYJ!

oh but watching momo makes me feel quite nostalgic about judo.. and do not be deceived by the show. even though it is possible for waifs like val to throw heavyweights like me, they do not toss guys around effortlessly on the dojo like they're pieces of roti prata. and if i remember correctly, most unlikely with a standing morote either.

i have just checked out C's photos. but i realise he isn't very photogenic so i didn't derive much pleasure from it..seeing the real person is way more exciting!

and i've been posting an awful lot about him. which is probably a sign that i should be going out to connect with the world again. i smsed a friend to ask if he had any good book to rec while i was at the library. i got this: eh your exams just ended you just stopped studying and all you want to do is to read a book?? go out and watch a movie or sth la!

BUT. i have a totally legitimate reason for staying home all day other than the fact that i like to hang out by the tv 24/7. the 8 yo wimpy sister is on holiday while the 22 yo sister though having exams is a go-out-to-study kindof person. which leaves ME! the wimpy 19 yo to babysit the wimpy 8 yo.

and you probably don't believe this but! i haven't started on ANY korean dramas online yet. because i've been so preoccupied with getting things for the kids camp done knowing i haven't confirmed and gotten things in order drives me crazy i can't sleep i just keep thinking of the things i'm supposed to get done. AND IM STILL DREADING THE KELONG TRIP. ack! AND I CAN'T ATTEND THE 1C GATHERING. double ackack!

the combination of boredom and a boggled mind makes me feel like snacking almost 24/7 too.
and i am fascinated by jay chou's ju hua tai. makes me feel like signing up for a guzheng/erhu class right now!

it is 1am and i am still awake! the latest i've been awake since i left hall for home about 3 weeks ago. anyway i was in bed at 11pm but 2 hours later i still can't fall asleep so here i am.

i was going to check out C's profile on fb but then i decided that it doesn't seem too right to be checking out the photos of somebody who barely registers my existence at this ungodly hour. it seems too much like...stalking. so no i decided that i should probably do it some other time like in broad daylight. (haha i know what you're thinking. but as long as i think there's a difference!)

i'm contemplating watching a kdrama. that will probably keep me awake and happy for a long time. just that i don't know..i haven't done this stay up late through the night thing for so long i might conk out tmr and feel crappy the whole of tmr. not good! i advocate healthy living. ok we'll see!

it's 1 am and i'm hungry, darn.