bangbanggobbledygook

i feel so brave!
of course i was scared. i was so scared!! my heart starting thumping even while i was still on the mrt. i could totally feel my ears and face heat up when the seniors sat around in a circle and talked to me. (i just wonder if they turned visible-red) i felt awkward and not myself many many times during the activities. being enthu will probably take some getting used to. i think i need to take up projection lessons from khoo

but i feel so..proud of myself. for going ahead and forward and signing up alone even though the fear and the apprehension felt like it was taking over me. this is a big deal for me.

also suddenly i feel like i'm the abnormal one. the odd one out. the one with no senior to hi-five and share school experiences with because there is none from our side of the world. every other freshie had! i don't want them to assume i'm smart. but i don't want them to think i'm stupid either. you know it's weird. i was sortof expecting it, but this is really..something i need to figure out.

i know this sounds so incoherent and all over the place and today's only the very very very beginning. i can't really figure out why and what but i feel like i need to find my place in this place. i don't want to be on the outside of the circle or on the line, i want to be inside.